So I promised you updates. This was back when I had high hopes for my own victory in this challenge.
As many things in this life, it hasn't worked out as I initially planned. It started off innocently enough, a challenge to myself and others to put themselves out of their comfort zone and make one gesture of friendship each day during the month of June. It's the 17th, and I thought I would be swimming in friendship at this point.
"Swimming in friendship"? Wow. Beyond lame. THAT would be why I don't have many friends, my stupid phrasing is probably something I aught to work on. Anyway.....
So here is the 17th, and I realize that I haven't updated once since the 1st of June. It wasn't unintentional, I wasn't like, caught up in the busyness that my thrilling life provides. I just didn't want to share how miserably I had failed at my own challenge. Every time I tried to start a conversation with a new person, I got a bug-eyed look. I frequently felt left out of conversations at work, despite my best attempts to involve myself. It all came to a head when I went to my small group last week, but ended up having to bring the baby. Fabulous. Because that's what all the college kids want to listen to, is my 5 month old with Colic screaming her head off while we discuss the book. It was impossible for me to hold a conversation with anyone, much less make a feeble attempt at forging a relationship of meaning. I left that night feeling very defeated, and depressed. Like I would be alone at church *dramatic pause*......FOREVER.
I won't lie, I went home and cried like a baby. Which is so out of the norm for me, that I didn't even tell my husband. I just went to bed, and threw myself a little pity-party of one because my kid cried in small group and I felt like it was MY turn, damn it. I was tired of feeling like I had no one to connect with. Tired of feeling like I was never going to make any friends offline. Tired of feeling like a failure.
But where I failed multiple times, God had victories that I didn't notice until last night. In the midst of my craptacular week, my neighbor struck up a conversation with me as I was on my way home from my workout. That led to us hanging out for two hours in front of our apartments. Somewhere between a few smokes on the balcony, and a conversation about Dave Ramsey, she confessed to struggling with some marital issues and I managed to sneak in my testimony about submission in marriage. It was a good conversation, and I feel like she took something away from it. I saw her this morning as I left for work, and she seemed actually excited to see me again. Even better, I went home that night and had a wonderful conversation with my husband about witnessing to her that left us feeling more connected than we had been in a couple of months.
It's strange to me how God can use the plans that we've fouled up miserably, and turn them around for His glory. Funny how He can turn around 16 days of failure or defeat, and give you one more day filled with confidence and renewed strength.
It feels good to worship a God capable of giving me those things.
Maybe the next 13 days will be worth updating on after all.
The Uncouth Christian